Can I Just Call This One "Leadership"?

As I was unpacking boxes following our cross-country move, I can upon some of my papers from several years back.  This one caught my attention as I join a new organization and manage the fear and uncertainty that plagues children during a significant life change.

"Leadership is a daunting task, one which is entrusted to a select group of individuals.  In some cases, it is a position granted from above to those who fulfill certain requirements.  As one proves ability and skill, that person is entrusted with more and more responsibility and a greater leadership role.  In all cases, it is a privilege entrusted by one person to another whose ability to manage, inspire, and motivate is greater than his own.  Leaders rise to the top.  Some are given a head start by the schools they complete or the organizations they join.  Some start from the very bottom, working their ways to the top through the people they touch and the accomplishments they make.  Sometimes, these cases coincide and the great leader is recognized from those above and below.  Other times, the viewpoints differ, and the leader's ability is not necessarily appreciated by one end or the other.

"What is more important, to be recognized by those above as a great leader while those subordinate grumble and trudge, waiting for the first opportunity to oust "the boss"?  Or, to win the respect and admiration of those subordinates, but be ignored by those in authority?  If power and advancement is the goal, the former is preferable.  If, however, ensuring the success of the mission is the goal, the latter scenario must prevail.

"The lower a person is on the hierarchy, the more grunt work there typically is in the job description.  Without this grunt work, the task cannot be accomplished.  Thus, as leaders, we must strive to give all those who work for us, at every level, the tools they need to accomplish their missions.  These tools may take the form of information, skills, or even personal advice or moral guidance.  Information and skills come with study, practice, and experience; they can be taught.  Entering the personal realm is much more difficult.  We as leaders must know our people.  We need to have an understanding of what drives them, their strengths, and their weaknesses.  Understanding these characteristics about people can help us focus our efforts and provide them with the specialized, personal attention and care each one needs.  When people know that they are taken care of, both professionally and personally, they will then trust a leader.  With this trust comes commitment, and the committed person will walk through hell for a leader, knowing the leader has given everything possible for a mission's success.

"Everyone wants to advance, and through the empowerment of subordinates a leader will ultimately find favor with those above.  Inspire those below and they will move the earth.  Through his humility the great leader will always credit the organization, but those above will hold him in esteem for his unit's accomplishments, just as they will find him accountable for any failure.

"It is with this philosophy that I view my role as a leader.  People are the most important asset we have in this world.  Without them, progress and industry halt.  If I serve the people under my charge, giving them the tools necessary to succeed and trusting in their creativity and initiative, they will produce astounding results.  Ronald Reagan warned us to "trust, but verify."  Through this trust, the ingenuity of individuals will flourish and the vision of any organization will prevail.

"I have thus far been successful through the application of this philosophy.  I know, however, that it can be improved upon.  I must always listen, consume, adapt, and apply the lessons out there from other people's experiences and wisdom.  Honing my leadership philosophy and skills will lead to a better ability to serve my Marines or any others whose lives are entrusted to me.  Before I can ask for their best, I must offer them my own.  As the gospel of Luke reminds us, 'From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.'"

I wrote this in the context of leading Marines.  It think it clearly applies to leading children, and I hope that I can apply the same diligence to my young girls that I apply to the lives of our young Marines.

Follow from the front.

Your dad is the kind of guy who wants only to know what needs to happen.  Maybe get a few details to help guide the way, and then be left to his own devices to finish what needs to be done.  He likes to treat others the same way, including you two.  In his own mind, at least, he's smart enough to realize that neither you girls, nor other people necessarily work the same way.

One of you is just like him.  He asks you to do something then gets out of your way.  Any other interference is just that, no matter how well-intentioned.  A girl after his own heart. The smaller one of you, well, he's not so sure yet.  You're still at the point where he asks for something and either you do it, he gets a head shake, or there's a clueless look that could melt ice.  He's not sure how he wants you to turn out, but waits eagerly to see how you grow.

If you become a person who wants to have input, direction, guidance, and pats on the back along the way, he will try to accommodate.  Whatever way you operate, there will always be a clear desire to treat both of you the way that will foster the most constructive and beneficial activity.  And don't forget happiness.  Again, with all the best intentions.

But what happens when he doesn't quite realize what brings out your greatest potential?  When you realize this, what is the best way for you to act?  Cooperative followership, whether or not he knows it.  Because it's not only the leader that needs to think and adapt.

Oh Crap, It's My Chance to Shine

Girls, this will happen to you.

Your teacher, coach, boss will say, "I need you to ..." then finish with something like do a presentation on the Pythagorean Theorem.  Or lead today's calisthenics.  Or head up a new working group.  The first reaction for many:  Oh crap, why me?  After that, you have a choice to make.

You can mope and sulk and wonder how it came about that you got stuck with this.

Or, you dive in, ask questions, apply some thought and hard work.  Do your best, add value to what you've been given, and realize that it's not about your own comfort, it's about making things around you better.  Now you have an opportunity to prove yourself.  Show what you can do.

And shine.

Traditionally Valueless

Girls,

It's Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Easter.  Maybe at church, school, or eventually work.  You'll decorate a certain way, say certain things, or otherwise establish your habitual patterns.  This can be good.  Habit patterns make the things we do easier.  By practicing we get better at them.  Through repetition we make fewer mistakes.  And when the things we do have shown to be beneficial to either ourselves, those around us, or our organizations, we should keep doing them.

Here's the rub: When those things aren't so beneficial anymore, we should stop.  Does that Christmas tradition we, as your parents, imposed upon you during childhood make you happy anymore, or is it just a chore you feel you have to continue?  Are you learning from the traditional way of teaching or is more of a hindrance?  Are you worshiping the same way because it still glorifies God or have you become stagnant in your faith?

These are questions you'll have to answer yourself when the time comes.  As much as I (or others important to you) may try to influence the answer, you're going to have to decide for yourself whether or not the things you do are providing value.

Daddy

Don't Live so Close to Me

I wish everyone could be in the military.  Or at least the peace corps.  Or really any organization that takes you away from where you grew up and into different places.  Like Derek Sivers talks about here, I've learned more by moving away from California and living all around the country than I could have by staying there.  I can't wait to take us all to Socal for a couple years, but the experience of living somewhere else is priceless.

Travel, anywhere you can go and get into it.  Talk to the people (or at least try).  Eat their food.  Hang out.

Move away.  Get a job somewhere else.  Another country, another state, and get involved.  You might find another regional culture almost as foreign as going to another country.  This is good.

Stop calling the place you grew up "home".  Home is where you live now.  You'll never get into a place if you always think about leaving it.

I hope to do these things with you girls while you're growing up.  Once you're on your own, I hope you continue them.  Even if you settle back into wherever you decide you're "from", at least you'll have the experience of knowing that yours is not the only way of living.

Change this Title

Change is such a double-edged sword.  I see it now in you guys.  One of the requirements of the military is that we move every few years.  Soon enough you'll start getting excited to move.  You're already showing a little excitement as we move to California.  Unfortunately, you've already asked several times to go to your own house.  Since we can't move into our house for another 3 weeks, you've got a lot of uncertainty in front of you, especially for an almost 3-year-old.  But think of the fun we're going to have in San Diego.  Beaches, bikes, friends, and family nearby.  We'll have such a good time, as if all the pain of the change will have made it all worth it.

Like I wrote you before, sometimes you need a change of thought.  A different way.  At this point, you're still figuring out what your way is going to be.  Eventually though, nothing new will come from this way.  Learning will slow, stagnate, and might actually go backwards.  Take all you can from the experiences you have, the things you read, the conversations you make.  And when you feel yourself start to stagnate, change it.

You might not know where you are or exactly where you're going, but you'll eventually get there.  Keep searching and learning.  Once you get there, it'll all be worth it.

Shocking

You girls may find this out if you really get into sports when you get older, especially they include any lifting.  Here's what it is: Sometimes you just need to "shock" your body; to put yourself through a workout that is totally different from the ones you're used to.  One that is more strenuous, uses totally new body parts, or completely exhausts one individual muscle group will get your body out of a rut.  You'll be amazed at how you'll feel when your shock your body occasionally.

Don't forget to shock your mind.  Read a book from an author you never thought you'd like.  Read a different newspaper online (or in your brain-housing-capacinator or whatever news medium you'll have when you're older).  Go somewhere new and do something different.  Say something to someone you've never said before.

It might hurt at first.

You might get tired.

Soon you'll start thinking differently.

Then you'll have new ideas.

And you'll start to get excited.

If you go back to your usual activities, you'll see them through a whole new lens.  This is good.  You'll be learning.