Can I Just Call This One "Leadership"?

As I was unpacking boxes following our cross-country move, I can upon some of my papers from several years back.  This one caught my attention as I join a new organization and manage the fear and uncertainty that plagues children during a significant life change.

"Leadership is a daunting task, one which is entrusted to a select group of individuals.  In some cases, it is a position granted from above to those who fulfill certain requirements.  As one proves ability and skill, that person is entrusted with more and more responsibility and a greater leadership role.  In all cases, it is a privilege entrusted by one person to another whose ability to manage, inspire, and motivate is greater than his own.  Leaders rise to the top.  Some are given a head start by the schools they complete or the organizations they join.  Some start from the very bottom, working their ways to the top through the people they touch and the accomplishments they make.  Sometimes, these cases coincide and the great leader is recognized from those above and below.  Other times, the viewpoints differ, and the leader's ability is not necessarily appreciated by one end or the other.

"What is more important, to be recognized by those above as a great leader while those subordinate grumble and trudge, waiting for the first opportunity to oust "the boss"?  Or, to win the respect and admiration of those subordinates, but be ignored by those in authority?  If power and advancement is the goal, the former is preferable.  If, however, ensuring the success of the mission is the goal, the latter scenario must prevail.

"The lower a person is on the hierarchy, the more grunt work there typically is in the job description.  Without this grunt work, the task cannot be accomplished.  Thus, as leaders, we must strive to give all those who work for us, at every level, the tools they need to accomplish their missions.  These tools may take the form of information, skills, or even personal advice or moral guidance.  Information and skills come with study, practice, and experience; they can be taught.  Entering the personal realm is much more difficult.  We as leaders must know our people.  We need to have an understanding of what drives them, their strengths, and their weaknesses.  Understanding these characteristics about people can help us focus our efforts and provide them with the specialized, personal attention and care each one needs.  When people know that they are taken care of, both professionally and personally, they will then trust a leader.  With this trust comes commitment, and the committed person will walk through hell for a leader, knowing the leader has given everything possible for a mission's success.

"Everyone wants to advance, and through the empowerment of subordinates a leader will ultimately find favor with those above.  Inspire those below and they will move the earth.  Through his humility the great leader will always credit the organization, but those above will hold him in esteem for his unit's accomplishments, just as they will find him accountable for any failure.

"It is with this philosophy that I view my role as a leader.  People are the most important asset we have in this world.  Without them, progress and industry halt.  If I serve the people under my charge, giving them the tools necessary to succeed and trusting in their creativity and initiative, they will produce astounding results.  Ronald Reagan warned us to "trust, but verify."  Through this trust, the ingenuity of individuals will flourish and the vision of any organization will prevail.

"I have thus far been successful through the application of this philosophy.  I know, however, that it can be improved upon.  I must always listen, consume, adapt, and apply the lessons out there from other people's experiences and wisdom.  Honing my leadership philosophy and skills will lead to a better ability to serve my Marines or any others whose lives are entrusted to me.  Before I can ask for their best, I must offer them my own.  As the gospel of Luke reminds us, 'From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.'"

I wrote this in the context of leading Marines.  It think it clearly applies to leading children, and I hope that I can apply the same diligence to my young girls that I apply to the lives of our young Marines.

Use your kids as levers

I thought I understood the concept of leverage.  Like with most things, you can't really understand it until you apply it.  Here are my great sources of leverage these days:  Finding Nemo, "the slide", cookies, etc.  

I just took an elective on leadership that included discussions on leadership experiences, both good and bad.  One comment that came up was that everyone who wants to be a leader should be issued a two year-old.  I think this is absolutely true (though it could probably include any child who's at least 2).  I can say that raising you two girls has definitely exposed my weaknesses as a leader, and given me numerous tools to apply to the art of leading Marines.

Since I spent a few years in sales, at least indirectly, I think I'm qualified to say that everyone who thinks he's a good salesman should also be issued a two year-old.  The continual give and take is a good lesson for anyone seeking a "mutually beneficial agreement."  You, little Joy, have even thrown out some good verbal negotiation techniques that I'll take to heart.

In almost two and a half years, you have taught me more about two important life skills than I thought I would learn.  Surprisingly, two beautiful baby girls, one who's just learning to talk, and the other who can't yet walk, have more lessons on leadership, negotiation, first aid, and so many other things, than you could imagine.  It's amazing, really.  I've always heard that kids teach you more than you teach them.  True.  Thank you, girls. 

Set the tone

I heard you in your room this morning.  It was the second morning after moving into your "big girl" toddler bed.  Even with the guard that keeps you from falling out, you can climb out on your own.  With free reign of your room for the first time, you went to the door and started knocking.  From the inside.  In a sweet little voice you called Hello.  Hello?  Helllllooo?  I wish you would've slept longer, but it was so funny we couldn't help but start the day with a smile.  With that, you set the tone for the day.

You'll learn soon enough how important first impressions are, but a starting tone for any encounter is just as key.  Since you started the morning off so well, we were much more willing to look past the minor fusses and complaints of the day to enjoy our time with you.  If you had started off screaming and ornery, we would have met even the cutest times with a bit of exhaustion.

This is true for any encounter, from the morning wake up, a school lecture, or a business transaction.  When you first meet up with someone, be careful about what you say and how you say it.  If you start off crabby, even the most genius of comments may find a home in the garbage.  A bad mood from the start can turn people off, no matter what you have to say.  More importantly, a positive approach can work wonders.  People respond when you set a good tone for the day.  People will listen to you and will let you listen to them.

As a leader (if nothing else, both you and your sister will struggle to lead each other), the message you send depends on the tone you set from the start.  Make sure the two match up, and you will get your point across. You may even get your sister to do what you want.  Or get that second cookie from Daddy after lunch.

When it Positively has to be There, but Maybe not Overnight

This might be my second favorite leadership principle: Know yourself and seek improvement.  (I don't necessarily plan on hitting all of the Marine Corps' eleven principles, but there are a few that stand out prominently in my mind.)  I think it pretty much speaks for itself.  One problem with the way it's interpreted by many Marines, however, is that it focuses on the negative.  It could be rewritten to say:  Know your faults and seek improvement.

This is still great advice, as it implies that we should seek our shortcomings so we may recognize and improve ourselves.  Nobody is perfect, and most things we do take practice to get good at.  Getting better at things we struggle at is certainly a good thing, and I'm sure I'll write plenty more to you girls about this in the future.

What's also important is for us to search ourselves and recognize our strengths.  We were all given certain gifts, and whether or not we like them, we should take advantage of them.  There are some abilities each of you girls will be better at than others.  Joy, you are great at organizing.  Little Bear, people are drawn to you.  You may find these talents stick with each of you, and you'll develop others.  Of course, you'll have to practice these things as well to get truly good at them, but that is the point: Find the things you're good at and harness them.  Work on them.  Strive to be better and improve yourself.  Improving upon things you excel at will build self-confidence, and that's a trait that's missing in us today.  It's a trait I want to help you develop.

In just the couple years of your short lives, I've been fascinated by the changes I've seen in you two.  I look forward to seeing what talents you develop as your characters and personalities form and mature.  As you grow, I hope I can help foster a learning attitude in you.  As you both realize your strengths and weaknesses, I hope you seek to improve.  As I get older too, along with finding gray hairs (I'm on 6 right now I think), I hope I'll find new qualities as well.  I just hope that we can all help each other foster our strengths and build self-confidence.  God willing, we can do it all together.

Do as I do, but not all the time

Lead by example.  It's one of my favorite leadership principles.  On the surface it's quite simple, but there are so many underlying aspects of it that make it so powerful.  Most obviously, if I can show you two how to act instead of simply telling you how to act (especially since actions and words aren't always the same), I can raise you girls to do the right things.  For myself, knowing that someone is always watching, judging ("look at the baby, look at the baby"), is the greatest motivator for myself to do the right things as well.  It's circular, I try to scratch your backs, you scratch mine.  We're all better for it.

What happens though when you see your dear old dad mess up?  As much as I try to get things right the first time, every time, I'm going to get them wrong sometimes.  I don't always get it right when it comes to discipline.  Or handling frustration.  Even when I know you're watching, I still do it wrong.  That's not leading you two by example, and telling you to do as I say, not as I do is probably the worst response I could make.  

What is an example is showing you how to react to those mistakes.  We all have the ability to learn, if we just pay attention.  Like I've written before, when we mess up, we need to take a moment to realize our mistakes, think about how to fix or recover from them, then press on.  At this point, it's not as much a lesson for you as it is for me and your mom.  If we can learn to handle our mistakes, and you see how we're able to do this, then we don't need to be perfect to raise you right (thank the Lord!).  We just need to lead by example.