They're break-dance fighting

Ladies, there are many positive things the Marine Corps has taught me.  Unfortunately, the following article and the Marine Corps mentality would probably conflict.  I think there's room for for the article's ideas to be incorporated into the mission-will-be-accomplished-or-else mentality of the Marine Corps:

http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/5-scientifically-proven-ways-to-work-smarter-not-harder-tues.html

The hard part will be balancing the increased productivity you've given yourself by such simple concepts with the perception that "[s]he doesn't do s&!*" when you implement them.  Unfortunately, not just in the military, people will judge you by how many hours you put in at work, or by how much time you spend at your desk/workspace.  Taking a walk in nature or reading a good fiction may not go over well with the boss or coworkers, even if it refreshes your mind and body.  If you're seen as the person who doesn't contribute, you may be pigeon-holed as ineffective, even if in reality you've built 1000 bridges, but taken the time to refresh yourself or maintain your family relationships.

As far as the Marine Corps goes, if you do the things in the article, just go somewhere else and tell people you've been at the gym.

He's so terrible, help is the last thing he needs.

He was struggling.  He knew his stuff, was smart enough, but when it came time to brief then execute the flight he would fumble.  He couldn't speak without uncomfortable pauses or explain a concept without the "ums" spreading throughout his words.  Malignantly the quirks, the hesitation would overtake everything he wanted to convey.  The brief was ineffective and once in the jet, he couldn't execute the procedures he knew so well.  A lack of confidence would be reinforced by mistakes and his confidence would spiral out of control until it overtook his ability to perform.  Circular.  Like a Merry-Go-Round.

It would be easy for the instructor cadre to complain about his consistently poor performance, or to find his weaknesses in performance to be chinks in his character.  It would be easy to close the door and gossip until the man was broken into human waste, at least in their minds.  This would be easy.  They would almost yearn for his continued mistakes just so they could vindicate the words they had said about him.  To look on with disgust and judgment, as if the performance defines the man.

This would be easy.  So the other's true character was displayed when he said, "I won't let this happen."  He took the man under his wing, to show him the way to control his nerves.  To reduce the quirks, calmly think about his words before delivery, systematically work through a maneuver while executing.  To prevent this man's character from the impending damage.  It will not be easy.  He will be frustrated.  But he knows it is the right thing to do.  The difficulty of the task solidifying his need to intervene.  So the man would improve.  So the man wouldn't fall.  So the fellow Marine would succeed, be a better tactician and aircrew.  So the man would remain a man.

Because he can.  Because he must.  Because it will be hard.  Because no one else will.

You don't have to be in charge to lead.

People will gather.  People will talk.  Your friends will arrive and be friendly.  Then the meeting will begin.  Even if there's someone in charge with an plan, people will continue to talk.  About their own agendas.  Toward their own goals.  Goals which are not necessarily in line with the leader's, or those of the collective group.  Everyone has to get their own thoughts expressed so they can breathe the sigh of relief, assuring themselves they did their parts.  Until the next person says his piece and it conflicts.  And the next person who is not on the same page as either of the first two.  The tangential thoughts scattering throughout the room will spear into others, flying with them into the nethersphere of inconsequentiality.  Two words I just made up.

This is the effect of a group with no focus.  No direction.  No real leadership.  The group may have an agenda, a vision, a desired purpose for the gathering.  Even with these essentials, with no one to inspire or to lead, where will this train end up?  Off the tracks, in a ditch; an organism with so much potential lying on a side with its wheels turning in the air.  Doing nothing.  Whether the yearbook committee, the youth group ski trip planning team, or another group in which you two will involve yourselves, it doesn't matter.  Are you on paper as being in charge or one of the many who arrived to see what's up?  This too doesn't matter.  You can focus their thoughts, narrow their direction, lead them toward their goals.  Do this with a confident humility.  Realize that not everyone will understand.  Or like it.  But there will be a few who see it.  A few who you'll touch, at first.  Focus on them, listen to all, and keep pushing ahead toward the goal.  More will see the value you bring.  More importantly, they will see the results the group has achieved.

Like all other useful and valuable skills, this will take practice, strength, and determination.  It will take a thick skin at times.  It will require you to close your mouth, listen, then speak up confidently. It means putting in thought beforehand, maintaining objectivity during, and applying careful consideration after a gathering, maintaining your humility throughout.  Your dedication and perseverance will find themselves rewarded with a great book, memorable trip, or successful project.  And you'll enjoy it that much more knowing you helped work to make it that way.

Wherever you find yourself, use your gifts to lead.

Love,
Dad

Your mom did this the other night and I am proud of her for it.

Assertive Humility

There are two types toward whom people gravitate.  One is the kid, good at whatever it is his particular group does.  He can throw a wicked fast ball, knows all the greatest super heroes, thinks of the most creative games with his friends.  He's good at these things and has the self-assurance to go along with them.  With actions that speak, "I'm good at what I do and I know it, but this doesn't make me better than anyone else."  No arrogance, just great ability paired with confidence.  People dig it.

And the other?  The girl who recognizes her mistakes, realizes her shortcomings, boldly takes responsibility, makes amends then objectively moves on.  Without a whine or a bid for others' approval, no fishing for compliments along the way, she avoids wallowing in timidity or overcompensating with bravado.  She gives a nod to her imperfections but has the self-assurance to admit confidently and sincerely when she's come up short.  A recognition that "I mess up at times, I know it, and now I will be judged for my response to adversity."  No self-pity, just great humility, working to learn from her mistakes, paired with confidence. People respect it.

My girls, it will be hard work, but can we be both types?  If so, we can inspire so many more.

Lift your attitude or crash into a boat - your choice.

"Attitude", the LSO (Landing Signals Officer) called, as the pilot allowed the airplane's nose to drop too low to make a proper arrested landing.  With its nose not high enough, a tactical jet's hook will not touch down at the right point - just prior to the arresting cable - for the hook to catch the wire and for the plane to stop in what little runway remains.  This problem is typically not due to some unforeseen, last minute, force upon the jet preventing its nose from rising, but an issue that goes back approximately 45 seconds prior, when the pilot should have controlled his airspeed, altitude, rate of descent, and heading such that he could fly the thing "hands off". An airplane not appropriately trimmed and "on speed" will always have issues while flying the ball.  Even so, and with just seconds before touchdown, the pilot has a choice to make: input a small nose up correction to put the aircraft in the proper attitude, or risk missing the wire and having to go around to try it all again.

We've seen this exact scenario play out so many times in our own lives, even when we don't step anywhere near an airplane.  We don't like our boss, or a coworker, and while we might have been able to prevent a situation by correcting our own attitude in previous engagements, we let the problem fester. The tension becomes tangible at work and affects us at home. We treat our loved ones poorly because we can only focus on the evil who is that coworker.

We don't see eye to eye with our parents, but we refuse to see our own fault in the matter, or we're afraid to bring up an issue that may be difficult to deal with.  The problem continues too long until it hurts the relationship.

Our kids will just not stop crying.  Or asking for things.  Or demanding our time.  How is this a problem?  It leads to bitterness because we can't do, or watch, what we want. And it's clearly all their fault.

So what's the problem here?  Our terrible bosses?  Possibly.  Our horrible parents?  Unlikely.  Our overly needy kids.  Nope.  It's our own attitude.  It's managing our own expectations.  It's realizing that seldom is anything perfect and that we either need to change our situations or change how we look at them. How many times have you expected to leave work early on a Friday, get yourself mentally ready, and find yourself staying until you can "only" leave 30 minutes early?  It ruins what should otherwise be a normal weekend. And yet because our expectations aren't under control, we ruin it for ourselves. Nobody ruined it for us.  Not even the boss, that heathen, who made us stay.  Our parents (for most) aren't out to get us and neither are our kids. Most of the time, problems with coworkers aren't caused by the other one having a directed vendetta against us.  Whatever the situation, difficult as it may be, our own negative outlook will only make the problem worse.  For ourselves.

Like the pilot who should have made his airplane right before he even started his turn to land, we need to make the decision to get our perspectives in order before we leave for work in the morning.  Before we engage with our parents.  Or, to avoid the frustration of a Saturday morning sleep-in cut short by miniature people, before we go to bed Friday night.  Managing our attitudes and expectations toward our lives, and maintaining positive outlooks will only help us navigate difficulty and more fully enjoy the sweet times in life.  It's not easy, and so many times it never will be, but it is fully under our control.  My attitude is always my own, and only my own, to affect.  It's one of the few things we all have in equal proportions.  Changing it early on will always be beneficial.

And when we mess this up and find ourselves cursing our bad positions, we need to pause, add in a small nose up correction, and lift our attitudes before we crash and burn.

This one takes real energy

I've been reading Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future by Tim Elmore.  I'm not sure he intended this, but he's described a recipe for positive change that I think applies to anyone, not just our youngest generation.  This recipe I've seen in action at North Coast Church in Vista, CA, and I think many of our great leaders exercise it.

1. Accept people, despite our faults.

2. Build an experience they can connect with.

3. Give them a cause to seize and work for.

Hunger, strife, poverty, education, health, fitness, work, family, love.  Around the globe or within your family.  It doesn't matter.  Do this for people and they will see the importance that is larger than themselves.  Once that happens, watch as they change the world.  Or your world.

Can I Just Call This One "Leadership"?

As I was unpacking boxes following our cross-country move, I can upon some of my papers from several years back.  This one caught my attention as I join a new organization and manage the fear and uncertainty that plagues children during a significant life change.

"Leadership is a daunting task, one which is entrusted to a select group of individuals.  In some cases, it is a position granted from above to those who fulfill certain requirements.  As one proves ability and skill, that person is entrusted with more and more responsibility and a greater leadership role.  In all cases, it is a privilege entrusted by one person to another whose ability to manage, inspire, and motivate is greater than his own.  Leaders rise to the top.  Some are given a head start by the schools they complete or the organizations they join.  Some start from the very bottom, working their ways to the top through the people they touch and the accomplishments they make.  Sometimes, these cases coincide and the great leader is recognized from those above and below.  Other times, the viewpoints differ, and the leader's ability is not necessarily appreciated by one end or the other.

"What is more important, to be recognized by those above as a great leader while those subordinate grumble and trudge, waiting for the first opportunity to oust "the boss"?  Or, to win the respect and admiration of those subordinates, but be ignored by those in authority?  If power and advancement is the goal, the former is preferable.  If, however, ensuring the success of the mission is the goal, the latter scenario must prevail.

"The lower a person is on the hierarchy, the more grunt work there typically is in the job description.  Without this grunt work, the task cannot be accomplished.  Thus, as leaders, we must strive to give all those who work for us, at every level, the tools they need to accomplish their missions.  These tools may take the form of information, skills, or even personal advice or moral guidance.  Information and skills come with study, practice, and experience; they can be taught.  Entering the personal realm is much more difficult.  We as leaders must know our people.  We need to have an understanding of what drives them, their strengths, and their weaknesses.  Understanding these characteristics about people can help us focus our efforts and provide them with the specialized, personal attention and care each one needs.  When people know that they are taken care of, both professionally and personally, they will then trust a leader.  With this trust comes commitment, and the committed person will walk through hell for a leader, knowing the leader has given everything possible for a mission's success.

"Everyone wants to advance, and through the empowerment of subordinates a leader will ultimately find favor with those above.  Inspire those below and they will move the earth.  Through his humility the great leader will always credit the organization, but those above will hold him in esteem for his unit's accomplishments, just as they will find him accountable for any failure.

"It is with this philosophy that I view my role as a leader.  People are the most important asset we have in this world.  Without them, progress and industry halt.  If I serve the people under my charge, giving them the tools necessary to succeed and trusting in their creativity and initiative, they will produce astounding results.  Ronald Reagan warned us to "trust, but verify."  Through this trust, the ingenuity of individuals will flourish and the vision of any organization will prevail.

"I have thus far been successful through the application of this philosophy.  I know, however, that it can be improved upon.  I must always listen, consume, adapt, and apply the lessons out there from other people's experiences and wisdom.  Honing my leadership philosophy and skills will lead to a better ability to serve my Marines or any others whose lives are entrusted to me.  Before I can ask for their best, I must offer them my own.  As the gospel of Luke reminds us, 'From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.'"

I wrote this in the context of leading Marines.  It think it clearly applies to leading children, and I hope that I can apply the same diligence to my young girls that I apply to the lives of our young Marines.